I have now watched four games of Rona basketball. Rona basketball is so much more exciting to watch than regular basketball. First of all, you don’t have built up expectations. It’s sort of like paying eight dollars for a concert when you are like has the band been practicing? Or have they been eating Lays potato chips out by the pool for three hours straight? And then you just think to yourself, I don’t even care what they have been doing. Because it’s 8 dollars and I have been doing a whole lotta nothing.
Also, I was feeling so sports deprived, I was about to follow small family parties around at mini golf locations. I was prepared to take bets on the good swingers and weed out the losers. For a non-competitive girl, I have quickly become an intense champion of the game. I have missed watching sports so much, I watched a car drive around the Nascar track for three minutes and thought, wait, what have I become???
Additionally, I am so sick of watching my own kids fight with each other, that anything my daughter does in her basketball game, I”m like you go get it baby. You are a god damn Olympian. Three hours ago, she was beating her brother over the head with a pool noodle, and I was impulse buying new jeans in retaliation, so yeah, watching her get a steal, is a little rewarding for moi.
Last weekend, we ended up pulling out a win, which was super exciting. I don’t want to say that we haven’t won much, but we haven’t won much, so I could not be sure if this was a true fluke or not. This weekend, we played the same team again and this time they really wanted their revenge. I think all the girls took some kind of energy drink before the game and watched basketball footage from last weekend straight into the wee hours of midnight to dissect our basketball success and in essence crush us into the ground. But around half time, our girls stopped looking defeated and started looking something else. They started coming in like a wrecking ball, just like Miley suggests. Not with the drugs and the sex and the tongue sticking out the side, but just really throwing elbows. The passing was better, the tripping was less, the faces were still just as red, but we have all had a few extra potato chips so this is to be expected.
When we pulled out our second win, I really wanted to pack up my camp chair that I brought. Okay everyone, two wins, I think we should call it a day, everyone grab their shit and we will leave as winners, but no we needed to play one more team.
I watched their warm up and thought I guess it doesn’t matter that our girls gained a few inches, because these gals are all into-the-sky-giants and also accurate smaccurate shooters. I hate it when that happens. Initially they overpowered us and then with about ten minutes left of the game we began to turn it on. At one point the other team called a time out while we were dribbling and I saw both of our coaches yell out to the official with their distaste at this action. I never see them yell at the same time. Usually one yells and the other is like dude calm down, or vice versa. So in my pea-sized basketball mind, I am like oh it is on. It is so on. The girls then began to play even more aggressive in nature and at one point we had stolen the ball three times and our little Serber was just getting in those points and I was screaming so loudly I did not even notice there was a girl lying on her side crying softly into her jersey. I did feel some remorse that I had not noticed the crying gal, because I was so blood thirsty, so Game of Thrones yelling and in the moment that I was only looking at the gray jerseys.
I just never knew I could Mom like that. But that’s how it felt, to watch our players overcome in these Rona games. When they all play in high school, I can’t wait to remind them of their Rona games and how we came out as winners, despite hours of tv, lazy eating, and pool noodle beatings. Keep dribbling, keep scoring, Rona crushers.
P.S. Thank you Tom Palmer for documenting this game in all it’s glory!