ADHD in Students and ADD in Adults: Why don’t we talk about it more?

As a second grade teacher I hear the term ADHD be thrown around a ton at school, by parents and professionals. Often I will hear conversations about medications and not medicating. It can be a hot button topic. It wasn’t until this year, that the word began to hold a whole new meaning for me. If you have read any of my former blog posts, then you know that my son has struggled with generalized anxiety and takes medication for it. This past year, his awesome teacher noticed he was really distracted, moving all the time and some other behaviors that could make him a candidate for ADHD. I got him on the waiting list to be evaluated and a few weeks ago, he and I headed in. I have gotten better at evaluations over the past few years. I used to really brace myself for them. I would feel very guilty at times about how it reflected on me as a parent, or what kind of monster genetics I had given my kid. I have come to a place, where I have championed so hard for him, that I no longer carry around this guilt fanny pack.

When the doctor came and got Payson and I, I could tell he was no nonsense, which is fine, except for when it isn’t. If you haven’t had your kid evaluated before, I will warn you. An evaluation is not therapy. It is not your PCP, it is not a visit with your grandmother. Often times, this is all this person does all day and since they are quite good at it, they can also be quite bad with bedside manner. The doctor began by asking Payson how old he is. He responded by saying he was 10, but almost 11, which I find all boys to do, until they reach the age of 45. The doctor said back, “what other age would you be after 10?”.

Immediately I knew this is not my person. I’m not putting him down, but my son has a god send for a pediatrician, a wonderful counselor etc. This was all business, but not as usual. When he asked me about Payson, he would cut me off mid sentence. He knew what info he needed and what was just extra. The problem with that for me is I wanted him to stand up and say, man you guys have been through some shit huh? You been waiting awhile to get here. But he didn’t. I told him how Payson has trouble sleeping over at friends, concentrating at math, needing to move all the time. At one point Pay began to spin around in a circle on the couch.

“Why are you doing that?” he asked.

Payson shrugged and told me his body needed to move.

That’s why we are here, I thought glumly.

At a certain point, Pay had to copy a picture that the doctor put on the desk. Payson worked on it diligently for about 25 minutes. He likes to sketch. Loves his art teacher. He is a pretty creative and imaginative kid.

After interviewing Payson by himself, the doctor pulled us both back in. I exhaled deeply. I could feel bad news coming on.

“Do you see this picture your son drew?” he asked me.

I observed the picture that was the example and the one my son drew. “He did great” I said.

“He got the lowest score a child can get,” the doctor told me.

Both Payson and I looked at each other and blinked.

“See this triangle here, it is not the right angle, there are three lines instead of four etc.”

My mind began to wander.

“So what does that all even mean,” I asked . It was my turn to interrupt.

He explained that he agrees with Payson’s first diagnosis. The generalized anxiety. The anxiety is like the CEO for Payson and it is the root of all evil, but the ADHD is a product of that. He worries and so he is distracted by his worry. He copes by moving , due the to the worry, but then can’t sit still in school and thus misses the lesson. I listened to the tips and tricks and when Pay and I loaded back into the car we both looked at each other.

“Mom, I thought I did pretty good at that picture.”

“I thought so too buddy, maybe I have some pretty good ADHD in me.”

We both laughed the whole way home.

Later on in the week I was running with one of my best friends and I told her what I had said. We both talked about adults who can struggle with that and what the symptoms look like. Later that evening I got on the call with my therapist. I explained to her that my best friend and I had diagnosed me with ADHD. She didn’t laugh. She tilted her head to the side like a cocker spaniel.

Tell me what you work day looks like she said.

“Oh it’s pretty simple. I drag all of my stuff up to my classroom. None of it is in bags. Some of it falls all over the floor, I often take two trips. I stop to talk to Freda and then realize my cell phone is still down in my car, so I go to my car, but stop at the office and get my mail from my mail box and leave that in the bathroom and then realize I have forgotten to grab my cell phone. I then copy off one math sheet, but not for today’s lesson, and buy two different units from Teachers Pay Teacher and ask Tracey how her weekend went and then students are walking in.”

My therapist takes a big inhale and then asks about home.

I try to be honest with her and this blog, so I told her I make a list of 10 things to do and I really only get two done during the day and then beat myself up about it. I lament that my mind wanders during long conversations and that sometimes I get so overstimulated teaching, I have to take a walk at lunch, just simply to re-set. I explain that I am still wonderfully creative, but sometimes my teammates make the details happen in a large theme and I feel I rely too much on them and have guilt over it. I tell her when all systems are firing, I feel like Bill Gates or like I”m developing a new I-Phone and on top of the world, but it so rarely happens that all the stars are aligned and most days I forget this soccer practice and that Walgreens pick up and really beat myself up over it.

Now please be advised. I have not seen a doctor over any of this. I have no real diagnosis. This is just observations I have made of myself over the past few years. I even noticed taking my Masters Course, that I just couldn’t sit for the three hours during the lecture and would get up for a walk while the professor was in mid-sentence. I have seen myself make modifications for my whole classroom, but also for me during reading block time. I write out the schedule for them, dictating their three big priorities I need them to get done and place all their work in their blue folders. I have found I need the schedule and the blue folders as much as them.

My big question is, why don’t people talk more about this? I find guys to be more at ease with this discussion. They will tell you oh heck yeah I had handfuls of Ritalin as a kid, but women are much less apt to open the door for this discussion. Is it because girls are suppose to be quiet and studious and out of the way. Did you know you can still be quiet but distracted as all get out? Did you know you can still have a hard time following directions, but have no behavior issues? Were you aware that women are so well known for their ability to multi-task that they are too ashamed to say this is hard for them to a medical professional? Why is this? I hope if you are reading this and feel similar to me or know someone who this sounds like, that you support them. I know I am an excellent teacher, even at my 50 percent, even if I am distracted, I know that teaching is ingrained in my identity, but I do think I need more strategies to help me with all of this. Whether or not I get diagnosed, I could tell from my son’s appointment, I can tell from my day-to-day, that my brain is wired a little different and that isn’t all bad, but I need to know how to charge and re-charge to bring all of my brilliance out.