An Open Letter to the People I Can’t Properly Thank as my Fifth Grader Misses her Final Months in Elementary School- Fingers Crossed We get a Goodbye of Some Kind!

I have started writing this several times over and then quickly delete because I don’t want to take away from people missing college graduations, internships, high school graduations and their basic income. I know my daughter’s situation pales in comparison but I still want to express gratitude at what she did receive during elementary school and infiltrate my sadness into the fact that she may not get to say goodbye the way that I had always envisioned her too.

Most people know the backstory of my best girl, but in the event that you don’t, she came into this world at 1 pound 13 ounces and spent three months at Maine Medical Center under the best care I could have ever hoped for. The nurse warriors that are helping to treat babies and families diagnosed with COVID 19 were the same ones who championed her 11 years back. I used to stand outside of her hospital room and mourn the pregnancy that I didn’t have and the birth story that would never be. She would have several “spells” throughout the day where she would forget to breathe, she was still being fed by a tube, still couldn’t be snuggled and loved on by all the people that were excited to meet her. I would always look at her at what she wasn’t until one day a nurse said to me , “In eight years, she will be playing a basketball game and no one will be more grateful to watch that basketball game than you will. Other parents won’t know what she went through to dribble that ball, to pass to her teammate. It looks hard now, but you really won’t be able to tell in time”.

As time went on and she came home on oxygen and issues of reflux and physical therapists, we still faced an uphill battle with her, periods of depression and marriage tensions. BUT then came a co-worker that agreed to watch her during the day and do custodial duties at night at my school. God sent me that sweet angel. If you are reading this Deb, I will always be grateful to you and your time. Up next, we found our second angel Carrie who owned a small daycare in our hometown and under her care, Nattie began to eat more, gain weight and she was dubbed Chatty Nattie. If you are reading this, love you Carrie! Love you Cassie, Love You Britney ! and others. But time speeds on quickly doesn’t it? Before long, she walked in holding Joe’s hand for pre-k screening. I’m sure she had uphill battles to conquer, but I don’t think you could pick her out in a crowd and say this 4-year-old came into the world with a whole lotta stuff. She was taught by the dream team in Pre-K, Mrs. Moore and Mrs. Palmer. It was such a special time for her. The crafts they did, the literacy bags, the family fun days, THAT BINDER. Ohhh my heart hurts for parents who won’t get that complete binder, due to this shitty ass virus. I can’t tell you how much I love this binder for both my kids and how meaningful it is to look back and see her first brushes with core academics, meshed with paint and fun. Pre-K is a thankless job because you either do too much academics and get dubbed a “pusher” or you only sing songs and let them build blocks and you are proclaimed too “lax”. I for one thank you Jenny for the awesome work you did with my girl in a crazy small space.

Then on to kindergarten and the magician, the fabulous, Juliette Shagoury. At the time, Mrs. Shagoury was new to kindergarten. This can make some parents nervous. Not this parent, I knew when I met her that she would be awesome sauce and she was. I was once told by somebody that you will never have communication with another teacher the way that you have with Mrs. Shagoury. This is TRUTH. When you ask her a question, via phone call, via email, she is so complete in getting back to you. She comes from a place of concerned teacher, but also just a place of Momma, warm sunshine. No question is too cumbersome, no stone left unturned. My daughter had an amazing K year because of this lovely individual.

Then, we moved onto first grade. She was lucky enough to have the mystical, magical Mrs. Jessop. Do you ever have years in your child’s education, where your kid just seems to own themselves a little bit more? My daughter had one of those years with Mrs. Jessop. She retired the following year and I think she put her middle finger to the air about common core, standards, targets and the like, and you know what? I’m completely cool with it. They did nature walks, they composted, they baked, they had writing retreats in the library. She was JUST THE BEST. I loved how in tune she was with my shy kid and how she let her just be exactly her shy, awkward, old soul self.

In Second grade, we were lucky enough to enter Mrs. Luken’s classroom. Matching a kiddo and their learning style with their teachers is more important than any other class balancing activity, but you don’t have to agree with this. It’s my blog remember? This held really true for my girl and Mrs. Luken. Mrs. Luken is one of those teachers and I hope she is okay when I describe her this way. She is one of those teachers, who knows her students inside and out, has wonderful control of her classroom and her behaviors, dedicates herself to her work but doesn’t make it her whole life and balances this with her family. People would tell me when I said that Nat had her, that the woman does not raise her voice and those kids listen. LIKE THEY LISTEN. WITHOUT the voice ever coming up. Is this witchcraft? Is it a some kind of air freshener? I would argue, it’s talent, it’s art. She is good at what she does and she knew my kid. Since moving to teaching second grade, I often think to myself am I spreading the magic the way Mrs. Luken did? Am I cooking enough with them? Am I making slime? Are they as engaged? Thank you Mrs. Luken you are the quiet rockstar of HT!

In third grade, My Nat had Mrs. Duncklee. The young bunny, the newbie to HT. The one that parents might go ohhhh do you have it all together? Nat always holds her third grade year as a time of very little stress, so much fun and a time of awesome social growth. I think third grade is really that transition year for kids, when it gets real. You go from learning to read to reading to learn and everything amps up. The fractions, the testing, the expectations. Thank you for giving Nattie a wonderful year of growing during one of the hardest times.

Do you people remember your fourth grade teacher in your mind? If you close your eyes can you see her/him? I am convinced my Nat will always be able to bring that memory right to the front. My daughters fourth grade teacher, as I have come to know through observation and social media, is a complete and utter badass. She has this amazing hair, glasses and aura of intelligence mixed with sarcasm and Tina Feyism. She is not showy in the sense that she is the loudest person in the room, or demanding the most attention from her co-workers. But she is EARNEST in her teaching, she knows her learners (20 plus of them) in detail. I remember Nat did a notebook with her at the start of the year where she had to draw what she thought a scientist looks like. Of course Nat drew a tall white male, with a long lab coat, because that was her reference point right? That was her lens. As the year went on, Mrs. Hanley went on to put that mirror right up to my Nat and show her, you can put on that lab coat, you can hold that microscope. Scientists wear mascara and converse too. Scientists can be female and have different colored skin tones and rock that MD right next to their name if they want too. I LOVE THAT SHE DID THIS. My feminist nature loves this, but also it’s just powerful isn’t it? Like she literally shaped the way my kid views herself in relation to the world. NOT ENOUGH THANK YOUS.

Last one, and I hope I’m not finished with this block. This last one is hard to write, because nothing is announced yet. We haven’t thrown the towel in at our district like other places have, but it is not looking good at returning to school right now. I am still optimistic, heck I would take that second week of June for them to just go back and sit in a scrunchie covered huddle and just BE TOGETHER. But I don’t know. So I have to extend my gratitude so far this year to the Mighty and Powerful Oz Mr. Smith. To give backstory, Kyle Smith is not just a teacher, he is a full blown SNL performer, comedian, narrator, tik tok dancing machine. Fifth grade is the year of hormones beginning, crushes, texting, snap chat, deodorant, bullying, wardrobe malfunctions. Have I named enough yet? TEACHING AINT EASY and he makes it look so. We signed up to have you Kyle, the Mr. Smith experience. You have been absolutely phenomenal and unwavering in your dedication to these fifth graders. Thank you for your dedication and your bottle drives and your chocolate fund raisers. As her Momma I do grieve these last few months that she has to spend away from you and her core group that she has grown up with. I do lament that we probably can’t do that Boston trip that we raised money for, or I can’t tape her doing her fifth grade band concert, but it takes nothing and I mean nothing away from all you have given this year.

In closing and because I am grabbing for tissues. Thank you Helen Thompson school, for the experience you gave my girl and her parents who never thought she would walk the hallways. Thank you to to the amazing principal, the ed techs, the support staff, the cafeteria workers, the wonderful and patient Mrs. Goggin and Mrs. Peckham. I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU to the bottom of my heart and I hope we get some sense of closure amidst this chaos. The school building was just where she hung her backpack, you guys are the MAGIC.