I Ran a Marathon: It was the best kind of Terrible

In October, I ran a marathon. It was wonderful and excruciating all at once. They say that when a person runs a marathon, they either run several more and continue their running obsession or light all of those running and walking sneakers on fire and never hit the trail again. I am happy to say, I am more of the former since my marathon. I still run three times a week and still own too many pairs of running sneakers.

The truth is, I actually enjoyed the training part of the marathon more than the actual marathon itself. That may seem very weird, but it all depends on what you get from running. For me, running is something that gives me a release, a high, an extra pep in my step. I always consider my best teaching days to be when I had a great run that morning. I can organize better, I can problem solve, I can let the little shit go. Running aligns my brain and body in ways that other exercises just can’t. It also requires zero social input. Sometimes big social situations really put my anxiety into a tail spin and I have to gear up for them. With running, I can run with someone or not. I can take as long as I need to. I can listen to songs, or comedians or swearing. Running requires zero rethinking, zero shame, and zero dollars.

I signed up for the marathon in June of 2023. I then bought the book Master the Marathon by Ali Nolan. It is an amazing read with three training plans. You can train as a beginner, intermediate or advanced. I chose the intermediate plan and she creates a 16 week lay out of training. My journey of training was so motivating to me because I could feel myself getting more endurance with running and I also loved my long runs with my best friend and my long runs with me. I am getting closer to 40 and it’s nice to enjoy a long run with yourself. Some people can’t ever be alone and I”m happy to say I’m a bad ass bitch and a good time and I enjoy the hell out of just me sometimes. I also love a challenge. I loved going through the grocery store telling people, I”m going to run 20 miles tomorrow. They would look confused because they were only asking where the canned tomatoes were, but I was just so proud of myself. I had to shout it from the rooftops. I honestly found the most difficult part of training to be hydrating and eating. I found liquid iv to work really well on the very humid days, but it also made me go to the bathroom when I got back, like a lot. I never played with other hydrating packets. I just stuck with that kind (watermelon is the best flavor), but I did play with using less of the packet to use less of the toilet paper. TMI I know, but then why are you reading this? Because you either want to start running yourself, or you are curious, or you love to read about a woman breaking down into a million pieces. I also loathe carrying waters. I hate the backpacks , the straps, the pouches. I have some sensory shit that never really goes away and I don’t want a straight jacket on while I’m running. I played with different options, and settled on stashing water bottles at different locations (it was only stolen once) and bringing gummies and other snacks in my deep pockets.

Now let’s get to the best part. Fast forward to race day. I picked up my best friend and we headed to Portland. I am technology deficient, but I did manage to secure parking on an app for the parking garage and we walked down to the volunteer tent. We picked up our bibs and I quickly realized my first faux pas. The first rule of Marathon day is don’t change anything in your training plan on marathon day. You keep your routine the same. I had followed the rule for breakfast (black coffee with a peanut butter bagel and a half a banana) and I had on my Bombas socks, my running sneakers, and my most supportive running bra. The only problem is, I had run the entire summer and early fall in only a sports bra. On race day I needed to clip the bib to something, so I kept a running tank on for 26 miles, which would give me chaffing for the next 3.5 weeks post marathon. That part could have been better, but also a whole lot worse.

I have run a few half marathons before, but I have never been so excited for a race. I was super prepared and pumped. Shawnna and I stretched inside and used the bathroom 35 times before the starting line up, which is customary for nerves and bowels. We both had a running gu before the start of the race. We loved salted watermelon and then took off with the start up gun. We started too fast, which is another first time marathon runner mistake, but its difficult not too with all the adrenaline. We stayed tightly together for 13 miles (maybe even longer). Shawnna was wearing a backpack for hydration, but I was wearing nothing because of above sensory issues. As I approached the first drink station, I skipped it. I felt on top of the world. Why would I stop for a drink? That would just slow my time down and obviously I am the best runner in Portland, probably even the country. Who needs drinks? This would come back to haunt me reader . It would haunt me real good. I did stop for the second water stop, but skipped the third. When I say stop, I mean I slowed down a baby bit, choked on myself and barely got a sip in. This was a far cry, from my training hydration where I would really slow and get a good sips in at traffic lights.

I continued with the gu packs and my favorite waffle until I had hit 13 miles. Up until then, Shawnna and I were not using our air pods and really letting the energy of the race help us. At this point, she began to get a cramp and said she needed to walk the small hills. I continued forth in my journey without her, because every runner needs to take care of themselves, especially after ten miles. I did notice when the half marathoners turned around and the full marathoners continued, the vibe of the race changed. I don’t want to discount any race that anyone runs, because they are all a challenge, depending on your fitness level, but there is a reason people sign up for a full and then drop to to a half. The half marathon is long enough to feel like a bad ass bitch, but short enough for the crowd to dance and cheer and music to lift you and you can still walk out of brunch okay. When you go into the full marathon journey, it is like a secret little door opens and some of that fun, zany energy dissipates and someone whispers, okay are you here to do this or are you here to do this. The air quiets and the other runners faces look more serious. A full marathon has an Oregon trail vibe to it. Like where are the rattle snakes? Who’s going to fall ill with dysentary? Keep your eyes open kind of shit.

Speaking of the trail, on the trail, the marathon trail, I looked up and saw all of second grade team from work. They had signs and they were cheering. I never expected for them to come that day and spend all that time waiting for me to slog along and gimp my way to the finish. Seeing them really gave me an extra burst to keep going. I could feel how proud they were of me and it made me want to be even prouder for myself.

I have to say, as I approached mile 20 I still felt really good. Like shockingly good. I was patting myself on the back and saying T Money you got it. Only 6 miles left. The problem with this, is that my running plan had only asked me to do 20 and 20 was the hard I knew. Once I passed 20, I really began to hit a wall. I really started to feel the water tables I had skipped and beyond 20 miles, there were not drink stations at every mile. All of the driveways started to look like places I should go lay down on. I started to noticed people being led over to medical tents. People cheering for us started to look more sympathetic and less joyful as we rounded the bend. It was at this time that my air pods stopped working and I couldn’t connect to the internet. Up until then, I had been using an app to track my progress and my husband had been sending encouraging words to keep me going. Now with no Shawnna, no music, no noise , I really felt my legs start to slow considerably. I also felt thirst, like I have never felt before. At mile 23, a little girl was at the end of her driveway pouring her own water cups out of her Barbie pitcher. I stopped and drank everything I could. It took all my restraint not to ask her to go inside and get me a power aid and I would mail her a new Barbie House on Monday. I had hit a point where I was so dehydrated , I began to feel sick to my stomach. As I started up the incline to another hill I wasn’t expecting, I began to whimper a little bit and I asked a guy cheering why this sucked so much and he just told me keep running through the suck. I think I swore at him but also blew him a kiss. It was a really weird time for me.

At mile 24, my cell phone and music began to work, but not my air pods. I played Kendrick Lamar Humble for the city of Portland and I mean LOUDLY. A runner beside me asked me if I knew all runners wanted to hear that song and did I have head phones? I told her I polled all the runners and they all wanted it. She just put her head down, because Oregon Trial Y’all. As I rounded the bend to finish the marathon, I could see my husband and my daughter and my friends at the finish. They were all screaming for me and they had waited so long for me to finish. My daughter came out to greet me and finish the end of the run. My daughter who was born in Portland at one pound , 13 ounces (26 weeks!). My daughter who stayed three months at Maine Med and came home with oxygen. My daughter who took so long to walk and sometimes I was convinced it would never happen, finished the marathon with me in the same city that allowed her to come into this world. It was a real moment for me, as a runner, as a Mom and as a person. I have never felt the kind of pride that I felt that day. It was the hardest thing I have done , besides giving birth to my babies. Now when I have a hard day, I walk around and say to myself yes, but you are a person who runs marathon. You are a person who doesn’t give up. I finished in four hours and 57 minutes. That is a long time to be doing any one thing, but especially running. I know the time could be shorter, but I also know I needed that whole time to accomplish it. I felt so lousy at the end that I would love to do this same race again and just feel more hydrated and less like the walking dead at the finish.
I will also say this is a great spot to do your first marathon and early October is an awesome time to do it. The energy is great and it is very well organized. My only complaint would be to add more drink tables towards the end of the race and to have more eating variety for racers at the end. By the time us five hour folks are finishing we do not want bagels with fly infested jam or warm chocolate milk. A lot of people ask me what I ate after the marathon and it is not very fancy. I was such a hurting unit that I did not feel equipped for any kind of restaurant. I drove straight to an Arbys and ordered a large mozzarella stick and a large mocha frap at Starbucks. I don’t know why, but the salt in those mozzarella sticks were the best I ever tasted. Yum. Perfection.

If I have scared you away from running a marathon that was not my intention. I just have to give you the real deal, because I can only be myself and that is how I roll. The experience is incredible, because it’s not really about weight loss, it’s not about keeping up with the masses. It’s personal, it is feasible and it draws out a kind of grit in yourself you didn’t know you had. I can’t wait to sign up for the next one and torture myself all over again.