I’m Just Not Surprised by Much in 2020

Yesterday my daughter was at a friends house and Payson and I were sitting on the couch reading a book when I noticed the hum of the air conditioner cease. Hmmm, that’s odd I thought? I look outside and it is sunny as hell with no crazy hail storms. I went downstairs to see if something got tripped, because that is what happens in the National Lampoons Movies. I ended up tripping down the stairs trying to figure it out. I forgot how important it is not to stress or move too quickly in the current climate because we are all in a choose your own ending story and the endings are all certain doom.

I decided to check the most reliable news source around, which is the Town of West Gardiner Page.

I’m not playing with fake news today y’all. I quickly learned a grandiose tree had given the heave ho on high street and that was the cause of the 391 power outages. What was the root cause of the tree death you ask? It was a beaver you guys. A. god. damn. beaver. I swear to god 2020, you are one wretched stage five clinger. If it isn’t the Rona, then it’s the hornets, if it’s not the hornets, it’s the sharks, if it’s not the sharks it’s the ticks. Well today, it’s a toothy beaver. I’ll tell ya, this shit is bananas, B A N A N A S, this shit is bananas.

My old self, would have become very frazzled by the outage. But I said good bye to that girl a few months ago. My new self, packed up Payson and headed down to A1 Diner, to enjoy the brownie cup in a cool booth. I just can’t get jacked up about everything, because there are so many fireworks going off at any given moment, that I just go to fantasy land quite often and stay there. I often will check facebook before bed and sometimes I will read lock your doors, there is a prison escapee in Kennebec County. In the morning, I will meet my friend for a run and neither of us ask each other if they caught the escapee because there are so many escapees right now, we wouldn’t recognize a bad egg if we saw one.

I used to get upset a few weeks ago when parents would post “what is everyone doing for school this fall?” I would stress out beyond belief thinking that kids might not choose the path that is public school. I then had to flunk out of people pleasing 101. It was hard to fail the tests at first, but then it got easier. I just decided on a you do you boo mentality. Kids will either come to me or they won’t. I will do the best I can, until I know better and then I’ll do better. I will increase my caffeine intake so much, that my mask will be considered a loud speaker.

Sure I grit my teeth when I read comments online where people write “I can’t wait until public schools get what’s coming to them.”

It makes me a little angry. I feel the bile slowly start to creep up. I begin to type,

Dear Karens of the world- I’m confused by your comment about public schools and what’s coming to them. Do you mean we will start to get paid more and have more public support, access to technology, good nutrition and back massages? Okay sure then, I am ready to get what’s coming to me. I have my eyes closed in anticipation.

But then.. And this is hard.. But I just fire up Schitt’s Creek and get back in my happy zen garden and I let the Karens go.

Because in my fantasy world, kids are at the top of the pyramid. Not public schools, not private schools, not daycares, not homeschool settings. So I don’t wish bad acne or knee surgeries on any of the Karens because that would mean failure for students and even the biggest asshole on the planet does not want that right? We can all agree, fantasy land or not, that what we want this fall is for things to go as smoothly as possible for the students who struggled last spring and maybe into the summer. We all are champions for kids, despite who we are voting for in November. Am I right?

And so this is why if you are related to me and trying to get a reaction out of me by saying that the virus will be gone in November, or if I see you in the street and you shout I would hate to have your job this fall. You may see me just mildly shrug and get into my car to jam out to that song about somebody bringing a cup of coffee for your head. I have so much to react to, that lately it has to be nothing at all. I am baby in the corner, getting ready for the big dance. I am quite literally putting my head in the sand, but not too far in the water, until that first workshop day. Tonight, I may lose power again who knows? And if I do, I won’t know if it was because of the beavers or a hurricane. Either way, I won’t be Helen Hunt chasing that tornado in my truck. The tornado will either be coming or it won’t, best to hunker down in my fantasy land until it’s over.