New Year Same Me: Only Different

I recently watched the Harry and Megan documentary on Netflix. I thought it was well done. I have always loved Harry the most out of the brothers. Is that the general consensus? I have a profound respect for red heads. They are wild and authentic and firmly themselves in a way that other people aren’t. At the end of the documentary, Megan talks about a friend of hers who suggests picking a word to begin the new year with. She picks peace for herself.

This got me thinking about my new word. In 2020 I would have said resilient. In 2021 I would have said endurance. In 2022, I would have said self and then if I was allowed two words, I would have added self-love or self-help. In 2023, I would like my word to be settled. I have spent a ton of time in therapy and Anthem has spent copious dollars bills (fun fact teachers do not have a co-pay for therapy) in questioning all of the things that are wrong with me. I usually start by saying I do this all the time, What is wrong with me?

The problem with saying that all the time, is that there is in fact so much right with me. I want to settle into that going into 2023. Sure I am not a detail person. I don’t remember when the furnace needs to be serviced. I can forget to take attendance at work. I have put on several sweaters inside out. But hot damn if I’m not an emotional animal.

Let me give you an example about what makes me an amazing being. On Christmas Eve, I was working out early and I kept stopping during my work out. I was lifting weights and something felt off. I couldn’t figure it out. I was hearing noises in my home office. I went upstairs and my husband was still sleeping in bed. I had that same nagging feeling. I looked out my bathroom window and I could see out the back window, this beautiful home behind us ablaze . A wall of fire and my neighbor running from the flames in his shorts and t-shirt. I ran down the stairs and called 911. The dispatcher told me they had already been notified. I looked out my window and a different neighbor, was comforting him, She unzipped her jacket and put it right around him.

To give you backstory, the home belongs to the Shaws. It is a beautiful historic home. The kind of home that every time you walk around the block, you think, my God that house is gorgeous. The kind of home that has so much history, you can read articles and articles on it, but today I’m not your historian, I’m your humanitarian.

Sometimes there was one car in the driveway and sometimes there were several and I would always think are they renting it out? What goes on in a house that is old and beautiful and massive? In high school I dated Sam for a brief period. I have not kept in touch well since, but you always have a connection with your high school classmates. It is a bond that never quite leaves. When I threw on my coat that morning, there were people parking in my driveway and they had their phones out videoing the fire. I KNOW this is normal to do, but my heart does not. I walked over to the lawn where Sam was standing. His face covered in black soot and his eyes just looked wild and pleading. He was wearing loose joggers, a t-shirt, a borrowed coat, L.L. Bean boots, the laces dragging. I went up to him and gave him a hug. One of my largest strengths that I posses is that when someone is hurting, I sit with them in it. I don’t shy away from it, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I am like here you are and your hurt and when I console them I would like to think I absorb just a tiny shred of it. I hugged Sam and told him how sorry I was. He let me know the generator was old, he couldn’t find his dog. I stood next to him. I was quiet with him. People began to swirl around the lawn area, “this is crazy”, they lamented. Documenting the flames. More fire trucks arrived. They were spraying the flames, but also Sam’s photos, his belongings, his home. They were working quickly, but time seemed to stand still.

I read an article once, where George Clooney said he got in a motorcycle accident and people took pictures of him and videoed the wreck before they asked if he was okay. I have become so settled, so prideful of the fact that I am so human first, I always ask the okay part and I did this with Sam. This fire, his expression have haunted me ever since, but also shown me what it means really to sit in my empathic self and be proud of it. Not everyone has it. It is a gift.

I want to use it every day in 2023. I want to settle in it, like an old comfortable bathrobe. I see people. When they have true joy, I light up with their energy, but when they are mourning, when they are hurt, I want to notice it with all of my senses too. I chose a good career for this, because I do it for my students all the time, but now I feel empowered to do it for more than just them. For my co-workers, for my family, for a stranger. I am wishing you the absolute best year yet. I hope your word for 2023 is significant. Whether you choose joy, strength, ambition, push. These are all great words, but just know dear reader, sometimes the best word is something you had all along.