Screaming From the Bleachers

I want to begin this post by stating that I did not play basketball growing up through school and I also did not watch basketball growing up through school. So if you are reading this as a bball expert, you might say to yourself this chick has no idea what she is writing up and you would be correct. But in my defense, this blog is meant to uplift, not to give expert opinions, so dismount your high horse and get on the fat kid pony with me. Growing up through school, I played the sports that your parents wanted to flip coins to see who would actually attend. After all, who wants to sit through a dance recital, 3 hours of a gymnastic meet, 2.5 hours of a scorching hot YMCA swim competition. Those were my jam coming up through. When both my kids began doing biddie ball I could see that the parent part of this journey would be different for this sport. It would take too long to go into the pyschological underpinnings of both my kids journeys so I will start with my daughters . My husband decided at one point in our marriage that our kids would be athletic. I did not make this decision and I”m not sure I agree with him, but he signed my daughter up for biddie ball. She did biddie ball with coach Shana, who is (among her other roles) phenomenal at teaching budding athletes the beginning of the sport. She is very knowledgeable on what skills they need to give them an early boost. I think biddie ball can look intimidating to the average Joe, but she tackled it, putting those girls into stations and getting the cookies into the cookie jar. Next up we tried 1-2 basketball. Have you ever watched girls play 1-2 basketball? It is literally the most adorable thing anywhere. One could argue that if we brought the world leaders together to watch 1-2 basketball, a lot of egos would be dropped and problems would be solved. The thing about girls playing 1-2 basketball is they are so polite to each other. They incessantly pass to each other, they never want to take the shot because then their friend MIGHT miss the shot, if someone’s nail polish gets chipped the whole game stops and the ball is abandoned to make sure said girl is okay . It is literally the sweetest thing. When my son came up and started playing basketball, I quickly learned that boys are a different species, do zero passing, and dip each other’s faces in bear urine before the game. Whoa, it’s a learning curve let me tell you. My daughter had a great coach for 1-2 basketball. Just the right amount of yelling, but not too much, 5 foot 11, good build, sexy as hell with a whistle. Okay yes, I married him, I’m not some creepy coach worshiper.

Next up, we moved on to 3-4 basketball. I quickly learned with 3-4 basketball, you gotta know something to be out on that court. People are starting to set screens, play real defense, the ball goes in the hoop more. Like it’s going down for real. As an aside, Gardiner basketball is kind of a big deal especially as of late and we have some awesome feeder programs that build into our high school program which is a class act in itself. Did that sound braggy? I don’t mean to sound braggy. I just felt like when I went to highschool, people would scoff about Gardiner sports, like here comes Gardiner, Class R, take the bench over there. But maybe I was experiencing a chlorine overload from the swimming pool and that was just my perception? Anyhow, third grade is the year that you can try out for travel. To be clear, I didn’t want my kid to try out for travel. I know it is cool to be on a team you get picked for, but I was scared as hell of her feeling rejection and to be honest I knew in my Nemo sized gut that she wasn’t ready for it yet. Luckily, my girl was like naw I’m good and decided to hold out another year and just play for funsies. The following year, she decided as a fourth grader she wanted to try out for travel. Her fourth grade year, she was coached for in house by the dream team. The Karen and Luke team. I think you can tell from my words that follow that I pretty much hold them in such high esteem as Beyonce and the Jay Z that he is when he behaves himself. Karen has the most wonderful temperament for coaching. She really does, she cues into kids visual learning, lays it all out for them in practice and is so maternal and instructive when she is coaching a game. Her husband, is just as patient. Sometimes I would watch them and think are they even real? Do they even fight? If Joe and I were to coach a game together it would look like Joe lining up a group of five kids, me saying nope thats not what I wanted. Him arguing back and me throwing a cup of starbucks on him. Cute Right? Parents would love that show. But not Karen and Luke , they do it up right and they got Nat’s confidence right up. Which led to travel. Nat tried out and we waited all day for the phone call, only to find out that she actually made it. I know I sound like an a hole when I say that, like girl you didn’t think your kid was good enough to make it, but she had a lot of growing still to do. She played out that season with the unified powers of both Shana and Karen and it was so amazing to watch that group of girls go from the fumbling awkward herd of deer they were in their first game, to actually winning a tournament. To this date, one of my favorite weekends of basketball was that Hall-dale tournament we entered and to my shock one.

As Nat entered her fifth grade year of basketball, she started to be coached by another pair of awesome coaches. I have since found that fifth grade is a time when you enter tournaments and games with teams who are “5-6” teams but some of the girls look like they are in high school and stopped at a Big Apple to fill up the gas tank and buy booze for the local gang in town. We have played some teams where we just got dribbled right into the ground. Have you ever watched that movie Hope Floats when the little adorable girl with the big glasses has to go up against the school bully and just wait there and get pelted in the face by the volley ball. Well that was us a few of our games. We just stood there and got pelted in the mug by a basketball. I think this is a rite of passage, to be in fifth grade, not hit your growth spurt quite yet. It’s like being the new intern and having to go get the specialty coffee orders for all the rude assholes at the head table. You have to go through it , to get to the head table. With that being said, fifth grade girls are not always an easy group to coach. We are talking crying, a lot of crying, hallmark movie crying, allergy crying, pms crying, my Dad is in my face crying, I don’t know the play crying. And Nat’s coaches Jon and Chris, Chris and Jon, depending on who is dealing with which crier at what time. They are so damn good with them. While one kid is confused about what play is happening, and another isn’t sure who they are guarding, and one is on the bench having a melt down, they rotate, adjusting to who is helping what girl and taking over for the other when patience has reached a point of spilling over. Sometimes, and this is just my stray observation, but sometimes they will go up to each other during a really frustrating game and whisper something to each other. I don’t know what they whisper? Is it I will buy you a drink tonight? Is it what is wrong with these girls? Is it let’s load up the equipment during the last quarter and go to Applebees. I don’t think I will ever know, but they are a good ying and yang for each other with our core group of girls. I also think fifth grade girls are at a point in their baller journey, when they can be reflective about why a game went right down the gutter. Jon and Chris do a wonderful job of saying this is why we sucked so hard, without ever putting the girls down. One of my lowest moments this year as a mom moment is when we traveled to Bangor for the weekend to play in a tournament. We had just flown home from Florida, the whole family was tired as all get out and Nat played like crap the second day of the tournament. I lit into her in a way I am not proud of. To this day, I still feel bad about that conversation. Do you ever rage out so incredibly, that your partner, has to be like hold up ice queen you are not an interrogation lawyer actually. It was a real low low for me. On the drive back ,her coach reached out to us, but more to me as I was sporting the Cruella Devil eyes and said look I think it’s just vacation, thats not her normal game. I will always appreciate anyone who treats my kids good always, but I think it helps to have teachers and coaches who are also parents and can see something from a different perspective. Had I known, we would be taking all this time off from something she loves to do, Momma would have surely quieted down.

Speaking of, I miss watching them play so incredibly much. I would even jump at the opportunity to play that team, I don’t want to say what team, but it rhymes with Lima and just get completely stomped into the ground. What a release it would be for me to scream at ref, why don’t you call a foul? My god I think I say that in my sleep sometimes. I would love to see Joely get those elbows out and get that rebound back up, I would love to see Zoey throw the basketball the entire length of the court, only for one of our players to not be fast enough to get the pass. I would love to watch my girl get a good , well worth it foul in, to see one of Tom Palmer’s amazing photographs that he takes during one of our games that captures all the feels and the determination of the game, to hear Kim say we got em on the ropes now when we are losing by 30 points, to have Kate swear under her breath at the call and for me to nod in approval, for Tori to yell in her Ja Rule voice until she loses it, for Ashley and I to shout encouragingly when one of them screws up and is looking at their feet. Am I making you miss your people yet? Am I making you miss your weekends that surround schlepping your kids around to THEIR activities and eating bad fast food. If I am good. It’s good to miss. This is not forever, we will be back at it. Jon and Chris have a lot of work to do when we are, but I can’t wait to watch them take that first winded run down the stretch of the court….